"I remember what my parents were like at that time" recalls Edwardo Crum, eldest Crum brother and leader of the Secret Police, an elite military task force specializing in Ausi-repelling and breaking in to "top secret" warehouses. "Pop would just pace the back and forth over the green shag carpet in our living room and Mom would stare out the front window at the Volkswagen (with Roles Royce front end) for hours."
There was no television, no VHS player, and no popular Christian Rap to listen to. The Crum home was a wasteland of coolness-drought. Then in the summer of '81 a revolution came, and it's initials were... M.T.V. Also Ben Crum was born. Though he was the first Crum baby to be referred to as "Ewok", he possessed that trait that all Crums would come to be known for... awesomenality (the nationality of awesomeness only attributed to the Crum "nation"). Ben was not the cause of the sea change that swept over the Crum family, but many say that he was the figurehead.
"Next thing you knew" recalls historian BJ Curly, "there was Ben's face on t-shirts, lunch boxen, and billboards advertising "The More You Know", he even guest stared in an episode of G.I. Joe (and I promptly had my Mom purchase the action figure for me.)"
The Crum family was on the rise. Their numbers were growing and their influences were spreading through pop-culture and politics. It is believed that the Crum family single-handidly brought the nation out of the recession of the '80s and with the guidance of Ben Crum brought in the technology boom of the '90s. "I know that I have claimed to have been the inventor of the internet" verbalizes former U.S. vice president Robo Gore "but the truth is that I simply assimilated the idea from the Ben Crum entity." It wasn't long before the name on the tip of every American's tongue (and often at the fronts of their shirts) was "Crum(b)". But their influence would not flatline, would not come to a climax, but rather would continue to grow. How far will the influence of the Crum's go as the world enters the new millennium?
Stay tuned for part three of The Crum Family: Behind the Legend
10 comments:
I'd have to say that Peter should be awarded "the starter of coolness" award based on the simple fact that he introduced us all to Nirvana, u2, RHCP, David Letterman, David Cookie-monster, that chubby bald guy on that political talk show, the amazing Syke Cow, and the many deaths of Nathaniel Crum in every other TMIG movie.
Let's also not forget Peter's Wubbu sunglasses, Converse Cons, the fact that he saw all three Back to the Future movies in one night, and his pet turtle (Pokey!!). And by far the single most dominant factor of Peter's numero uno status was his bottle of Aqua Net hairspray in which he turned the blah Crum Crew Cut (also known as the "Triple C") into a quaff of cool. Sure, being the oldest has had its perks for Peter; own room w/ sweet Wayne Gretzky poster, Tiger Cruise, owners right to JVC Videocamera and Nintendo...but we all know who which Crum put cool on the map. He has overcome personal obstacles, thumb sucking and speech impediments and most noteably he was the first to ever have a girlfriend (Roslyn) and she was even older. Matt Crum was never a star in Peter's movies, was kicked out of the Secret Marines for receiving too many demerits, and he won a pair or rollerblades from a box of Captain Crunch. Talk about cool...Matt made it fashionable to wear bomber-jackets in mid-july in Southern California (watch the OC and you'll see this even today), he started dominating games of Jeopardy by age 10, and was the first to ever touch a 10ft. rim. He had both his ears pierced, dyed his hair blonde, and he is the only Crum with a tattoo...and a tattoo that says "CRUM" at that!!! This my friends and loyal readers is the true icon and namesake of the Global Crum Empire that we are witnessing today.
I believe you will see in the following episodes how all these items factored in to the trends set by Crums (good call on the Bomber Jacket Matt), but I would also like to point out that all those things that we thought Peter did, must have been done by Edwardo. It must have been him, not Peter, who had his own room, went on the Tiger Cruise and started the Secret Police, Delta Force, and Gorillas (or however we spelled it). Stay tuned... you will all be offended.
And yes Anna, that was a Regan quote.
i have a tattoo!... and it's just cooler!
I did all that Ausi-repelling just to get that rush of bllod to the head. Matt is right on about being cool, but please discontinue the agruments about who was cool first. Obviously it was me who inspired everone to be unique and unique is cool...
blood, not bllod.
Of course I must speak up and say that Matt introduced me to the good Nirvana album, having Nirvan first doesn't count if it's In Utero...
Nirvana, not Nirvan
I know a Crum who had a tatoo first
Yeah, didn't grandad have a tatoo?
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