From the Memoirs of General Lee - Entry #37

Ulysses S. Grant stepped out of the tent walking under the sign that read, "Moo Shoo's Opium Den". He staggered across the muddy street to Buffalo Bill's Grand Tavern. Stumbling through the door, he made his way over to the nearest corner of the bar. Ordering a brew he bagan to regain his wits.

"Where am I?" he asked stupidly.

A young soldier spoke saying, "We're still in Gettysburg, sir."

Grant thought about this for a second. He had remembered ridding his horse Sally into town. It had been a beautiful spring morning. Flowers were growing and the children of the town were singing and dancing in the streets. He had also remembered growling at them because he despised singing and dancing children. In fact, Grant felt that at the age of eight all little boys should be sent off to military academy.

"That will teach them to sing and dance," he chuckled to himself. All of this was coming back slowly to his mind, but the opium's effects were still working on his mind causing him to forget why he and his army had come to this dismal little town in the first place. At that very moment, Robert E. Lee strode into the bar, and searching, his eyes fell on Grant.

"There you are you mangy dog," Lee barked. "Are you high?" He did not wait for an answer. "We are in the middle of a game of chess, a game that you suggested we should play to end the war, I am winning, I go to get a drink, and when I return, who just happens to be gone?" Again, Lee does not wait for an answer but gets right in front of Grant and yells angrily, "YOU... you aren't there anymore. You ran off like a sissy!" Grant, cowering, tried to explain that he had to rush off because one of his children had a nasty cold, but Lee would hear none of it. "You know that we have to fight now, don't you?" Lee questioned. Spitting on the ground at Grant's feet, Lee walked out the door calling over his shoulder, "I'll see you at Devil's Den you no-good-chess-player."